3 Signs You're the "Pushover" Roommate

By Danielle Wirsansky on August 15, 2017

Having a roommate can either be a lot of fun or your worst nightmare. Some personalities work together well in such close quarters and others definitely do not. Sometimes it is hard to tell whether or not you and your roommate will jive until you are already living together, and by then, it is often too late to do anything about it if you most decidedly do not jive.

Being a pushover is not usually something that one can help. You might try not to be a pushover, but breaking out of that shell can be very difficult. So in a rough living situation, you might discover that you are the “pushover” roommate — that you are the one who picks up the slack, whose boundaries are pushed, and whose feelings are completely trampled.

Not sure if you are a pushover roommate? Read on to learn more about the signs of a pushover roommate!

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You pick up the slack

The slack could be any number of things, but whatever it is, you end up picking it up. Maybe they have been really busy with extracurriculars for the past few weeks and so your roommate has fallen behind in their half of the chores. You understand — you honestly do — and you do not mind it because you know that when their schedule gets less hectic, they will be right back on top of their stuff, just like you would be.

Only a week goes by … and then another … and another … and by now they told you that their schedule should have lightened up, and they are still not doing what they agreed to do. You find yourself picking up the slack. You bring it up to them and they have an excuse ready, like that now it’s exam week so they are super stressed but they will get back to it as soon as they can, or that they got out of the rhythm of doing their own chores but will “work on it.” Only they never do.

You understand but it is not like you do not have your own extracurriculars and finals and exams, and if you can find a way to do all of that and stay on top of your chores, why can’t they? Somehow though, you just find yourself picking up the slack, doing the chores that need to be done, taking care of administrative stuff with your house or apartment, picking up tabs, and more. It is not fair to you but you do not know quite how to stop it as their every excuse seems reasonable or plausible to you.

Your boundaries are pushed

We all have things that we feel comfortable or uncomfortable with, and our own boundaries are different from everyone else’s. Maybe you do not feel comfortable keeping guns in the house but your roommate only feels safe sleeping with one under their pillow. Maybe you need to sleep early so you can wake up early for school or work so you prefer not to have loud music playing at night but your roommate is a night owl who can only socialize to the sound of thumping bass.

Compromise is also a part of life and something that everyone has to do. But you find that every compromise seems to be only you compromising and your roommate getting everything they want. Your lines are being crossed, you feel uncomfortable, and yet you are helpless to turn the tables.

Your home is your home and you should not be forced to feel uncomfortable there. Your roommate is taking advantage of your pushover quality to live their life exactly as they want to while you are forced to be on edge and feel unwelcome. Your roommate might be blatantly flaunting their violations of the set boundaries they know make you feel uncomfortable, knowing you will not do anything to stop them and that they can talk it all away and brush it under the carpet to be dealt with later.

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Your feelings are trampled

You definitely know that you are the pushover roommate if your feelings are trampled by your living situation. You are frustrated by picking up the slack and uncomfortable by all your boundaries being crossed and you are resentful of your roommate for all they are doing to take advantage of the situation — yet you cannot seem to say anything or stand up for yourself enough to change the situation.

This buildup of emotion can often lead to you having an angry outburst at your roommate over smaller, more minor infractions. Your outburst ends up being out of proportion with the particular offense because it is a buildup of so many violations. However, your roommate will only see the small infraction and your blow up, which will allow them to make themselves the victim and to make your outburst and emotions regarding the situation seem crazy.

You will feel bad and allow them to bulldoze you over in the situation until it all happens again and again, creating a toxic circle.

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